Ok, so I suck. I had one. I'm a total loser and can't do anything right. I went out and got more patches, the step 2 ones. Instantly felt better. These itch more than the full strength ones!
Well, I have successfully proven that the habit is gone, but the addiction is full blown and freaking horrible. I have a whole new understanding and compassion for heroin addicts now. Seriously. If smoking is this tough, I can't even begin to imagine how terrible heroin must be. :( So, starting from Day 1 again...unless you don't count that one I had today. I had to. If that makes me weak, so be it. I'm weak. But, I'm back on the wagon. Hopefully, this will work out as well as it did last week until I ran out.
Showing posts with label quitting smoking sucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quitting smoking sucks. Show all posts
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Day 7
I am in hell. Yesterday, I ran out of patches and have no money to go buy more. So, cold turkey it is. I just about exploded last night. This sucks! Dropping the habit first definitely helped, but omfg this is horrible. It comes and goes. Like right now, I feel so out of it and all I can think of doing is smoking a cigarette. I can almost taste it! But I won't won't won't won't smoke. I didn't waste all freaking week tormenting myself for nothing. Fuck cigarettes! I don't need them.
What I do need is something to do. I'm chewing gum like a maniac, I crocheted a table runner already, and I have nothing to do tonight. Maybe I'll just sleep? I don't know. This sucks and I can't wait til this sucky suck part is over. Jesus this sucks.
What I do need is something to do. I'm chewing gum like a maniac, I crocheted a table runner already, and I have nothing to do tonight. Maybe I'll just sleep? I don't know. This sucks and I can't wait til this sucky suck part is over. Jesus this sucks.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Aaaaahhhh
Ok, so this sucks. My brain is trying to convince me in any way possible that it would be ok to just have one cigarette. I have literally run out of stuff to keep me busy with, and I am hoping that actually typing this out will make me realize just how stupid it is. I can't NOT think about smoking, because I keep trying to not think about smoking. I've chewed through two packs of gum today just to keep myself busy. I've also sucked down a handful of candy canes. I am so lame. But, I still haven't had a cigarette. I can't even imagine what it must feel like without the patch. I think I'd lose my mind. Or just smoke. But I'm not going to, because I want to quit. Wait, I have quit. I quit. Done. Here's some reasons why I quit smoking...
Money. Every smoker (and ex-smoker) knows just how much this stupid habit costs. Between my husband and myself, we smoked 3 to 4 packs a day. I did say between us, right? Anyway, at minimum each pack costs $4.50, here in PA anyway. So, yeah what does that equal a day? Um...at 3 packs a day that's $13.50 and at 4 packs that's $18. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! A DAY PEOPLE! How stupid is that? Do calculating on the high end, because let's face it...it was probably closer to two packs each than 1.5 anyway. Whatever...For a week, that's $126. For a month, that's $504. For a year, that's...ready for this? ...You sure? ....$6,048! My husband and I might have well just exchanged our 1's, 5's and 20's in for some hundred dollar bills and just smoked them instead. I STILL can't believe how much money that is!!!! It makes me MAD!
Other than money (which was the catalyst for all of this, sadly), I promised my mom that I would quit for her birthday. I know it means a lot to her, and I'm fed up with it. So, in a month...Happy Birthday Mom! :P
Also, there is the health issue. I've known that smoking was messing up my lungs since I started smoking 13 years ago. I get pneumonia from any cold, and I cough all the time. It is time to let the healing begin. :) I want to kick box, I want to run, I want to have sex without getting winded (Yeah, that's pretty sad, right? And I'm not overweight...it is all the lungs), I want my house to not smell like smoke, I want my husband to quit so he will be healthy and live for a long long long time, I want to get better sleep, I want to whiten my teeth because smoking made them yellowy, I want my mind to be stronger than my body and have the willpower to say "%@*# you cigarettes!", I want my mom to be happy, I want my cats to be healthy, I want to stick it to the corporations and healthcare industry...you ain't getting me mofo's! See all these reasons? You know what's great about ranting like this? I don't want a cigarette now. :) Stay tuned for more nonsense. Probably in a few hours.
Money. Every smoker (and ex-smoker) knows just how much this stupid habit costs. Between my husband and myself, we smoked 3 to 4 packs a day. I did say between us, right? Anyway, at minimum each pack costs $4.50, here in PA anyway. So, yeah what does that equal a day? Um...at 3 packs a day that's $13.50 and at 4 packs that's $18. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! A DAY PEOPLE! How stupid is that? Do calculating on the high end, because let's face it...it was probably closer to two packs each than 1.5 anyway. Whatever...For a week, that's $126. For a month, that's $504. For a year, that's...ready for this? ...You sure? ....$6,048! My husband and I might have well just exchanged our 1's, 5's and 20's in for some hundred dollar bills and just smoked them instead. I STILL can't believe how much money that is!!!! It makes me MAD!
Other than money (which was the catalyst for all of this, sadly), I promised my mom that I would quit for her birthday. I know it means a lot to her, and I'm fed up with it. So, in a month...Happy Birthday Mom! :P
Also, there is the health issue. I've known that smoking was messing up my lungs since I started smoking 13 years ago. I get pneumonia from any cold, and I cough all the time. It is time to let the healing begin. :) I want to kick box, I want to run, I want to have sex without getting winded (Yeah, that's pretty sad, right? And I'm not overweight...it is all the lungs), I want my house to not smell like smoke, I want my husband to quit so he will be healthy and live for a long long long time, I want to get better sleep, I want to whiten my teeth because smoking made them yellowy, I want my mind to be stronger than my body and have the willpower to say "%@*# you cigarettes!", I want my mom to be happy, I want my cats to be healthy, I want to stick it to the corporations and healthcare industry...you ain't getting me mofo's! See all these reasons? You know what's great about ranting like this? I don't want a cigarette now. :) Stay tuned for more nonsense. Probably in a few hours.
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